Guilt or Our Moonlight Flit
by ArlecchiNin
Summary: If you have introduced me to this unbearable pain then you can introduce me to this agonizing pleasure too.


**Guilt (Our Moonlight Flit)** _by_ ArlecchiNin

**Summary: |ItaSasu|** If you have introduced me to this unbearable pain then you can introduce me to this agonizing pleasure too.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the following characters nor the universe where they live in. Them all are property of Masashi Kishimoto.

**Warning:** This story contains incest and homosexuality related themes. Don't like: I'm politely inviting you to leave. Thank you.

**Notes:** Found this story somewhere in my files. Idk why I never dared to post it. Anywho, it is not such a big deal but I think I've made some interesting points and I religiously follow my rule of NEVERNEVERNEVERNEVER editing my fixies or pixies or whatever. Don't edit. Don't fix. Maybe it was meant to be broken! ^^

ENJOY.

_"Funny thing about guilt: there's nothing so bad to which you can't add a little guilt to make it worse and there's nothing so good to which you can't add a little guilt to make it better. Guilt distracts us from the truth. We have an inherent ability to heal. We seem so intent on living - even the worse heartbreak." _Latter Days

**M**emories made their way up to the surface. It had been nine miserable and lonely years since then and he had never gathered the courage to walk inside again. They never let him do it either. But right now, at this very moment, Sasuke wanted to slip inside and crawl around, searching in between the dust and mud what was left of his forever-longed past.

He despised the future. What is that? Something unexpected? Not to him. To Sasuke nothing could be unexpected or incredible anymore. Nothing could be more shocking or colossal as to what had happened to them. That's why he just wanted to avoid himself from people's presence. He was tired of their pity and their goals and their dreams.

If he ever had dreams they had already crumbled down long ago. He would repeat that he sought vengeance, restoration and talk about his ambition nonetheless.

At this very moment all he had was his own loneliness to weep in peace. Because that's all he did and all he craved that was at reach right now. The ninja of Konoha would never let him go just like they never let him rummage through those scrolls where the inked Uchiha clan history was starting to dry, growing old and disappearing. Stories nobody will tell without cringing at them. Feeling guilty and ashamed of what a clan was capable of. A clan who could pursue the goal of besieging a big nation like the Land of Fire.

But he had made his way to the Uchiha compounds and was going to do a research on his own and under his own judgments. He was going to flood himself and sink all the words down inside himself. He was going to know about his past and he was going to learn of how wrongly Konoha accused and underestimated his clan.

He slowly knelt down and daydreamed. Why did he always have to remember the corpses wounded and bleeding on the cold floor of that fullmoon night?

"Why do I always have to remember the screams that _you_ made me hear that painful day?" he screamed at the top of his lungs. The Uchiha compounds where nowhere close to the nearest home at the outskirts of Konoha, so worrying about someone hearing his loud cry was nothing that he should mind.

If Sasuke was always eager on avoiding people he was even more eager on avoiding the memory of his elder sibling. That's why he always mentioned him whenever they asked something to him.

It was a rhetoric answer: Itachi.

Itachi, my brother. Itachi, my elder brother. Itachi.

And it worked, there were plenty of mediocre civilians in Konoha and if Sasuke had ever learned something was that mediocre people often fears gifted shinobi. They all knew of Itachi, first because of his prodigious promotion in his ninja grades and second because of his terrible deeds. Finally, they judged: geniuses are troubled persons who lead to massive destruction.

And among the people who surrounded him, they wouldn't want him getting overworked because of it so they won't call the name of the said elder sibling in front of him.

"Itachi," he mumbled and to his surprise a shadow made its appearance behind him.

He could see it reflected on the cracked wall. He didn't have to turn to recognize and know to whom that certain shadow belonged to. He hadn't gotten to the point of rummaging through his origins that _his own turning point_ was already chasing after him –stalking his soul for another round of unpleasant remenissions. He didn't care anymore, is it fate? He will turn and face it then.

"Where have you been all this time?" was all his vocal chords allowed him to say. He had already stood up and was face to face with a taller shinobi wrapped up in a black robe with red clouds sewed on it.

"Looking…" Itachi responded, pointing at his turned-on Sharingan eyes. "Looking around…knowing what the world looks like with this sight."

Sasuke stared at him in urge and shock. Somehow, he had usually been thinking of how meeting his Nii-san at last after so many years would be like. He even tried to record the scenes in his memory. It was like a replaying machine on repeat. Once he had woken up in fear in the middle of the night, covered in cold sweat trying to remember why he had been so scared. It had been because Itachi had threatened him? Killed him? Tortured him? Something worse? No. Was it because Itachi looked so different? Because aging had changed his appearance and his attitude? Was it because he didn't smile anymore at him or made brotherly comments about him growing up and becoming a good ninja? Hmm…Sasuke himself couldn't answer that.

He remembered it clear now: He was walking vigilant to any slight sound that may denote someone's presence following him, contemplating him from the shadows. He walked in the middle of the shade of the woods and found this tall silhouette dressed in black and red fashion with four clouds adorning his robe, with a scratched headband on covering part of his face and hair, looking at him with fierce scarlet eyes trying to work their skills on him. But he had never seen the face or his brother. Just those damned eyes trying to cast black magic spells on him.

And then again, what scared him the most was the difference of stature between him and the other being. He felt small to the point of feeling his stomach stir in fear, his piling up nerves and senses completely blinded and at wreck point.

"What are you doing here?" he said cupping Sasuke's cheek with his hand, stroking it softly, leaning closer to the seventeen year old shinobi.

"I…" Sasuke stuttered.

Itachi looked at him in the eye intently. The shadow of a smile curved his lips non-existent inches.

"Yes?" he insisted, closing the distance between them.

"You."

Sasuke's face was completely flushed. Why? Why was he still in love with Itachi? Didn't he have killed the clan for his own selfish reasons? Didn't he have wiped out their home leaving dead souls behind for him to dress coffins with them and build up angry feelings toward him?

"Me?"

"Yes, I've been looking for you. The one you used to be. The one I love beyond all things," Sasuke said, unconfident still but forespeaking his feelings straight away. "And stop touching me," he made a violent move to push away Itachi's caressing motions.

The elder Uchiha took a step back, eyes layered on that grown up boy that was now standing in front of him.

"Why couldn't you overcome these feelings? After all…"

"I don't care. You aren't guilty of what you've done!" Sasuke exploded, his face red and completely out of temper. "What's the use of placing the blame on someone? What's the use of blaming the one you love for what you can't understand? What's the use of trying to escape the way I feel about you? If happiness ever dwelled in my heart…it was when I was with you. You are synonym of happiness, you always were. You are not my brother anymore. I haven't seen you in ages. Where have you been? Nobody's been worried about you, they all were worried about what you could do to harm them. I hate it here," he ended his speech with a kick on the ground.

"I came looking for you too. I've always been looking for you -my way that is. And you -you are right Sasuke. They may have harmed you and treated you badly but I'm the one who did the worst and I don't des-"

"Shut it!" the boy pinned his brother to the floor, both his hands on Itachi's neck adding bits after bits of pressure. Tears streamed down his face. "You wanted me to seek revenge on you. I wil-I will do it. I will let you live with the shame of having betrayed my heart-temeee!" his fists tensed up around his elder brother's neck as Itachi closed his eyes realizing the discomfort their contemplation produced on Sasuke.

When he opened them up again Sasuke was weeping still sitting on his lap covering his crying with his hands. Itachi gathered strength to lift himself up from the ground supporting himself with his hands on the floor, pushing 'til he was face to face again with his little brother.

"I never wanted to make you cry in agony like this," he whispered, placing one of his palms onto Sasuke's white knuckles. That didn't stop Sasuke from crying, he just let Itachi surround him with his strong arms and the following moment he was crawling up to his brother's chest looking for comfort and rest.

"I don't want to hate. Hate is consuming me. I don't know me anymore just as I don't know you anymore," Sasuke whispered in between the folds of Itachi's Akatsuki cloak.

"And the meaning behind this is…?" Itachi requested as a tear made its way down his cheek. Luckily enough, Sasuke wouldn't notice.

"I want to love you again. And never stop. And I want you to love me back. And I want to run away with you. Whisk away like the stars when the moon fades away into so much light to leave her place to the rising sun."

Sasuke felt Itachi's arms going limp around him, he embraced his brother holding him tightly from behind his back, witnessing all the tears that poured down the elder's face.

"You don't cry. You don't," Sasuke spoke softly approaching his brother's face until the bridges of their noses touched and both could feel the other's breathing on their own mouths. "I want us like we used to be. If there's a way to find ourselves again for-I love you."

And without further hesitation Sasuke sealed his words with actions. He gave Itachi a small peck at first, removing the soft friction for a while to be able to take a breath and start sucking on his elder brother's lower lip with more energy making Itachi lust for him to continue. He lapped his tongue all over against Itachi's mouth, the later kissing back until they were both forcefully longing for intimating more with each other.

Sasuke places both his hands on his elder brother's shoulders, closing them in fists around the hem of the black Akatsuki robe, nailing to feel that soft tanned skin underneath his fingers. Itachi made his way up and down Sasuke's back rubbing gently on his shoulder blades, exploring those hard osseous structures that composed the pattern of his loving little brother's back.

Yet Sasuke had some other plans already. He pushed further and begged for intrusion inside his brother's mouth deepening the kiss while unbuttoning Itachi's Akatsuki cloak. Itachi braced himself. Ready or not his brother seemed determined to do it.

"Where are you going to…?" Itachi steeled himself and took a swipe at Sasuke and yet Sasuke sent Itachi sprawling with one punch. Itachi squirmed uncomfortably under his little brother's weight as a new sensation jolted through his entire body.

Sasuke screeched with laughter and kept going south. Their clothes scattered on the cold and solid floor. Almost the doing of a madman.

"If I have understood anything at all, brother, it was that if I can feel all this pain piling up inside of me –then I'm also capable of feeling the same amount of pleasure as well. And you-you are going to be the one who will introduce me to that pleasure just as you have been the one to introduce me to all this horrible sickle of desperation and pain and-," Sasuke gasped for air when the head of his brother's length started to scissor his entrance like a kunai blade. It was pain. Always the misery of feeling hurt and weak.

And he was not going to be the only one to feel weak at his own expenses. He stretched his arms and placed them on each corner of his brother's eyes. He made Itachi watch and stare. This time was his turn to watch and stare and it wasn't going to be like a voyeur vision of a massacre replayed in all its bloody glory but the playing of this mutual display of affection that Sasuke set themselves up to.

This time the illusion was going to be overtaken by this reality.

Itachi gritted his teeth, Sasuke's fingers kept still at the corners of his eyes. Eyes staring back arbitrarily. Beads welled up in both pair of eyes. In Sasuke's case he couldn't bear the pinch that was jolting electricity from the lower part of his abdomen and as for Itachi he still couldn't believe what his brother had overcome to get to this sort of definitive and drastic conclusion.

After all the genjutsu they were there lying sprawled on the ground trying their best to win the dominance over each other's body. The feeling of hurting and making love to a body so familiar and yet of some stranger –someone who had walked away from their lives for so long.

"Show me how much you despise me, show me how much you killed yourself over and over to protect me and make me -make me this -this monster," Sasuke tilted his head so the bridges of their noses were touching again. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he spoke. His words tinged with bitterness. "Let me know how much you felt that guilt that chases you around the world, show me how much of a fool of a sentimental you are, brother."

Itachi cut his younger brother off, embracing Sasuke's mouth with his upper lip. He massaged and licked until a little string of saliva leaked down Sasuke's chin. Itachi kissed his mouth repeatedly before asking for entrance distracting the younger boy from the primary pain that was aching and washing over his entire body.

"I'm going to embroider this tragedy you've started, Nii-san," wailed the smaller boy, clenching his fists that had been already tightly wrapped around Itachi's shirt right on the left side as if he was grasping at the opportunity of touching literally his brother's heart.

He latched onto Itachi's neck stifling the cry of pain that Itachi could not suffocate when Sasuke's short nails buried deeper drawing blood from under their tips.

Ecstasy couldn't describe it. After all the obstacles are victories tastier and sweeter? You can ask Sasuke and he would never get to the point of actually explaining it to you.

The youger Uchiha raised his cream streaked face up to his brother's face level. Itachi looked away in discomfort and uttered a garbled mix of sounds on purpose. Sasuke caught him up and growled loudly: "I love you, Nii-san."

He grabbed Itachi by the chin there was regret written all along his features.

"I'm sorry," Itachi lifted himself up once again and embraced his younger sibling. They stayed close for awhile. Their fingertips gently printing shapes on the other's back. Brushing all the soft spots they hadn't discovered just yet.

"Well. Let's go!" Sasuke perked up happily.

"Where? You are going to leave -just like that?" asked Itachi a little startled at Sasuke's decided position. Not to mention the current state of things, including their bodies and clothes and pent up feelings.

"Come on, Itachi! Haven't you almost wiped out all our clan just like that? Yes, I'm going to leave just like that," retorted Sasuke with a strange and confident gleam in the eyes. "It's not as if I'm going to quit being a ninja anyway. I can join Akatsuki and play the double agent like you and with you? Sounds good, doesn't it?"

Sasuke was smiling.

"Don't do that!"

"What?"

"Smile. Uchiha don't smile like that"

"Oh! But you do. I'm imitating you as much as I don't want you to imitate me."

Sasuke covered Itachi's lips with his own again.

"I didn't say you could kiss my smile. Besides, we are Sharingan users. To copy is fair play on our grounds."

"Shut up, copi no baka," Sasuke said slowly under his breath gazing into those charcoal eyes that matched his own so much. He rubbed patterns on Itachi's cheeks. "I—Itachi-"

He let out a little cry of pain when he felt Itachi's fingers poking his forehead.

"Ne, Nii-san! What are you doing?"

"A replay of the good old times."

"You are wrong. These are the good old times. The brand new good times are all the things that lie ahead awaiting for us to approach them together," he looked back into his brother's eyes. The smile still. It didn't bother him anymore as far as it was there to express how cherished he was to him. "We are going to do a moonlight flit together this time."

"I would've never thought of growing this fond of you—" Itachi left his sentence unfinished pending in the cool air and taking Sasuke's hand into his he would guide both of them far away from this shrine of scaffolds to venture back and forth enjoying the road together.

~Fin*

**Final notes:** Well, hope you enjoyed so far. Cheesy, I know but I sorta liked it :3


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